1ST ANNUAL MS. CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE PAGEANT

Application Deadline: July 27, 2008

What is the Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant?

We are seeking the absolute Center of the Universe, embodied in a fine Tulsa lady, to represent the soul of downtown Tulsa, it’s holy navel, the Center of the Universe (west of the Union depot, in the center of the pedestrian bridge from Archer Street to First Street, over the train tracks).

Who deserves to wear our plastic tiara? What fine lady best represents the spirit of downtown Tulsa’s most cherished mystic landmark? Who is bold enough to know herself Supreme Center of All Creation?

Our Missionary Position

Our missionary position is that all women deserve to be viewed as unique, interchangeable, sentient, proficient, limber objects that contribute equally together to the service of mankind. To honour that equality we will elect one outstanding lady to be especially more equal than all others.

The purpose of the Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant is to raise awareness among all women of the need to actively participate in our own objectification in today's society as a means to assert our strength. The Pageant strives to inspire women to seek true enlightenment through valuing ourselves as human beings and presenting ourselves as such, instead of as products to be consumed. Unless we want to and like it, as in the case of this pageant.

Legal Disclaimer

Therefore, the Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant hereby informs all pageant applicants of the following:

• Applicants must be at least 18 years of age.
• Applicants may be required to appear publicly in various states of undress.
• Applicants may be required to publicly simulate sexual acts, including but not exclusive to: intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, Dirty Sanchez, Glass Bottom Boat, Cleveland Steamer, Rusty Trombone, Lazy Susan, Gobstopper, Bullwinkle, St. Louis Taco, Nina Totenbag, and/or snuggling.
• Applicants may be exposed to adult themes.
• Applicants may be exposed to controversial subject matter.
• The Ms. Center of the Universe Pageant will not be held responsible for any hurt feelings, embarrassment, personal injuries, loss of property, unexpected pregnancies, or drunken behavior experienced by applicants in the course of the pageant process, or ever.

By clicking the Submit button below, you acknowledge that you have read, understood, and accepted the above.

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^{Shaved       Unshaved} 
 
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^{Swallow       Spit} 
 
Profession
Number of Children 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10+

How many sex partners have you had, including oral (nearest estimate, you floozy)?
Rank your hotness on a scale of 1-10, 10 being hottest:
 
^{1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10}
 

Rank your attributes in descending order:
 
^{Face:   1 2 3 4 5
Tits:   1 2 3 4 5
Ass:   1 2 3 4 5
Legs:   1 2 3 4 5
Humor:   1 2 3 4 5}

Write your favorite dirty joke
In your opinion, what relevance do beauty pageants have in today's society?
Why do you want to be the first Ms. Center of the Universe?
Describe the talent you intend to perform in the pageant.
What do you love most about being a woman?
What do you hate most about being a woman?
If you had to choose a job in the sex industry, what would it be?
What is your favorite color?

Rank the following celebrities
in descending order of attractiveness:
 
^{Tiger Woods   1 2 3 4 5
Donald Trump   1 2 3 4 5
Elton John   1 2 3 4 5
Steve Buscemi   1 2 3 4 5
Dick Cheney   1 2 3 4 5}
 

Describe the perfect partner in ten words or less
How would you resolve the Middle East Crisis?
 
Please attach a photo...